…can be a touchy subject for most, especially if you already had bad experience from the past.

 That word alone can have a different definition for different individuals. But really, there isn’t a correct way to deal with our intimacy concerns except to talk about it. Finding someone to talk about it, someone you can trust can be hard, especially if you are a young adult. Often, we turn to our peers who can share things they’ve experienced, but that doesn’t mean same experience is the answer to our concern. Everyone has a different approach on this matter. It’s not easy on parents either, especially if they never talked about it to their parents. You can take your time, but eventually get yourself to the point that you can address it. Older you will thank you for it. Believe me!


I grew up talking about it with my mother but not in the way I should have. She did her best when initiating such conversations, but I was so embarrassed that I shared absolute minimum. Since I shared something, she did allow me to have a boyfriend but only under her supervision. I really wish I had shared more, especially my internal perception of myself; I wish I had told her that intimacy to me back then, at such young age, meant sex so she could tell me how wrong I was. I wish I shared how I truly felt about my body image and my scars. I doubted my worth, complained about my body image, even when others gave me compliments. I was raised in a conservative household yet no subject was a taboo subject as long it stayed under our roof. Even with so much freedom I didn’t talk about it, it was internalized. I can only imagine how hard it is for those that aren’t privileged to such freedom. Remember, you do have the freedom; counselors at schools, family friend, or support groups.

Fast forward to the real world, college, relationships, becoming independent. We become wiser, more knowledgeable from our own experience, it still does not make us experts at relationships and intimacy. And that’s okay. Because we will spend the rest of our lives learning this. Looking back, I wish I didn’t spend so much time worrying about relationships; I wish I spent more time having a relationship with myself. This might sound selfish, although my intent is the opposite. Relationship with yourself does not mean to ignore everyone else or shut everyone out. It means through interaction with others to get to know yourself. While paying attention what your partner likes to simply pay attention what you like as well. This can eventually get you the ability to recognize your strengths and weaknesses as well as patterns you have developed during relationships. And prevent the most common thing that happens to us all, that is losing ourselves in a relationship. You could even awaken passion you never knew you had in you.

When I decided to let my bottled up emotions surface in front of a trained professional she has shared something that stayed engraved in my mind since. Now, I am sure we all know this, as it's "common sense" but you'll be surprised how many of us don't truly practice it due to our internal flaws winning over us. She said, Intimacy stands for In-To-Me-See. The deeper connection you'll experience with someone; the bond you'll share despite of your or their imperfections or body image. Since, I carry that thought with me. I stand for what I believe in, and I excuse myself from those that don't see my worth. Don't let your internal flaws make you settle with wrong individuals. Create the bond of respect and love with yourself first (SEE-IN-TO-YOU) and you shall recognize others  who are worth your time and love. Once you start practicing this, you won't be as worried what your crush thinks of your scars on your first date; your scars will help you see the true character of him/her.


Yours Truly,

Burn Survivor